As I patiently worked with the bank teller to deposit the funds into my son’s account, I remembered what it was like to be ahead of the game.
Years back when my first child was an infant, I was ahead of the game. I had a full time job. I had no debt other than a mortgage on my first home which I purchased when I was a sophomore in college. I had a full ride through college that I had earned as a veteran paying for tuition and living expenses through the GI Bill and the Illinois Veterans fund. I also had my own business.

I was ahead of the game enough to put money away for college for my son way back then. I didn’t put enough money away for all of his college. I had no clue how much more tuition would be eighteen years later.

I did put some money away withdrawn monthly out of my paychecks.

Today, I deposited those funds into my son’s bank account. He turned 18 today. He graduates in about 3 weeks. He is going to the Savannah College of Art and Design next fall. He has amassed a substantial amount of money in scholarships and grants, almost as much money as the entire cost of my Graduate Degree program cost in total. Yet, he will still need to raise 150% more funds to cover the balance.

Let’s put that out there in real numbers. He’s earned over $20k in funds already, that’s $20k per year towards his costs. He has a delta to make up of approximately $30k per year.  

The money I provided today, would have covered almost a year’s worth of tuition back when I put it away. Now it might cover his meal ticket for a year.

🙂

I have no doubts that he will be able to make up this delta. He is working on an excellent plan. He has been working very hard and has been successful at finding and earning scholarships already. He has also worked a job as well to earn his own money and I expect he will do more of that all through college. With hard work, I think he might even be able to get through four years of college close to debt free.

All of that is just a side note to my own challenge. That is his life and he will need to figure out his own path, just as I figured out my path. He is light years ahead of the game from where I was at his age and stage of life.

For me, I am reminded of how I was able to put funds aside for the future for a rainy day that did come.  

I was excellent at living, planning and achieving my goals back then.

I have not lost that.

In between, I did wear myself thin saying ‘yes’ to too many things that I could not pull off. I got so good at achieving everything I set my hand to, that I started saying yes to everything and wasn’t able to give the important things, or the things I really wanted the attention they deserved.

Now, I am single and starting over and have been doing some amazing things to get my life back on track, reorganized and more. There are times when the anxiety can be difficult to manage. Today, it helped very much to give myself a reminder of the ‘feeling’ of what it was like to be on top of my game, and even ahead of the game.

Its important when setting goals, when setting intentions, to key in on the feeling that is associated with achieving those goals of realizing the intentions.

Today, I realized an intention from 18 years ago. I know that feeling. I felt it today. Its fresh in my bones and I’m going to be able to channel that into great things to come as I work to realize my new goals and my new intentions!

I’m going to make a great new life all over again. I’m going to make every day part of that great life, and I invite you to join me doing the same!

PS

After writing this, I went to evening yoga. I set my intention through the practice to feel being ahead of the game with focus with ease…

Ahead of the game with focus,

Ahead of the game with focus,

Ahead of the game with focus,

Ahead of the game with focus,

Ahead of the game with focus.

I was in a relatively positive place despite a small painful cloud that blew in through the evening. Today, my son turned 18. I am extremely proud of him. He is an amazing young man. 

The pain comes in the form of 50/50 custody. As it happens, this is not my week. As it happens, I could not be there with my son on his birthday. I will get to see him again in a few days, and now that he is an adult things may shift with him as well a bit more and more and more.

I am home again, finishing a quick and delicious meal of dirty rice and sausage sort of a cajun bourbon sauce. I am about to go out and perform a several hundred dollar repair on my car for $8. 

 The meal nourishes me. The repair (heavily researched on youtube) reminds me that I can do almost anything when I focus and set my mind to it, and I can get through anything as well even pain. The pain is just a shadow that I’m briefly walking through as I navigate my path. The cloud that casts the shadow will past and I will move through it, feeling the difference of being in the light verses the shadow, but I will emerge.

For anyone interested, I would highly recommend the free online book for the Dissolving Shadows meditation. It is a text meditation. I’ve recorded it and when I’m feeling pain, I listen back to the meditation through my earbuds on my phone. It is a healthy reminder to help let it go!

PSS

The evening has proceeded. I am about to call it a night. I was not able to see or talk with my son, but was able to text with him. I am feeling less pain and more reflective. What I experienced tonight could be parr for any parent, single, married, divorced whatever. When our teenage kids become adults, we have to let go and let go some more. My point is I am going to have many more days in the future when I might not see my son on his birthday.

Divorce may have cost me this last birthday, this last day of his childhood, but time would have stepped in sooner or later. I have been fortunate to have as many great days with him as I have had. I am happy and grateful about this. I may experience temporary moments of pain along the way, but these also help me focus, and not just on the bad or the pain…I also focus on the good that balances out the pain.

Life just is sometimes. Its not necessarily good nor bad, it just is.

Tomorrow is a new day. Today, I even finished a car repair armed with youtube videos. 


Then made my own car repair video for what I learned to pay it forward for other Subaru Tribeca owners with issues.

Who knows what I will be able to accomplish tomorrow!

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