The Positive Intent Approach to be Happy on Social Media EP0011

Are you approaching conversations thinking people are out to get you?

Do you think people that you encounter on social media are trying to harm you directly or harm the world and therefore you indirectly as a person of this world?

How do you feel about the conversations you are having on social media?

Are you even talking with anyone?

What if you could open up and connect with people and realize and choose to know that they are doing the best they can trying to make things better.

Their direction may be different than your own. After all people are not the same.

We ARE each very different. Its no wonder that we might each do things very differently.

When we choose to approach conversations in real life or on social media, knowing that people are different and will approach things different…

AND!

We choose to give them the benefit of the doubt that they are trying to be positive, open up and share some helpful insight, we can be grateful and choose to pursue the idea exercising curiosity.

We might learn something new. We might affirm a lesson learned or find a more effective way to apply a lesson and be successful.

We just need to let go of the idea that we are the center of the universe, not everything is about us. We can realize that not all people we interact with are trying to do us harm, nor do the world harm.

We can connect and learn and build trust with people doing the best they can with the experiences life has granted them.

Some Helpful Articles on Positive Intent https://lifeshowyouliveit.com/assume-positive-intent/ https://medium.com/@BlairOutLoud/3-benefits-in-my-life-from-assuming-positive-intent-8c2024400d8 


Vision Board Example - pexels-photo-264693

I Never Wear Bandanas – Vision Boards, Tree Chopping and Cruise Lines Now Hiring

“A Tree: First you chop it down, then you chop it up” ~ George Carlin
This morning I finished meditating. Now, I’m sitting at the top of a carpeted stair case. At this time of day, I can soak in the limited pre-winter sun beam that only comes in this one window . I have a bandana tied around my head.
I never wear bandanas.
I’m getting into my un-comfort zone. I’m trying to feel the world from a different perspective with my third eye blindfolded.
Earlier, I read an article by a friend and client. He was not happy with the state of his new industry.

Vision Boards – WTF

While I read, I kept glancing up at my vision board. A vision board is a drawing. It is part mission statement, part goal. These combine in a visual diagram drawn next to an image of the current state of affairs. In the middle is a list of three things that take a person or group from the current state of affairs to the future goal. It is not created in the order I just described.
I’m working in my un-comfort zone. If you continue reading, give up expectations of order.
I watched a TedTalk earlier. Actually, I watched three. The first was in Spanish and talked about floating balloon cities. I don’t speak Spanish but I’m learning French again. I did understand the words Mucho Grande. I liked this talk quite a bit, partly because I named my daughter after the President of the solar system. He ruled from a bubble city floating above Jupiter.
Another Ted Talk discussed Slow Hunches or something. It described how Darwin felt that he had an epiphany when he came up with his theory of natural selection. Darwin’s copious notes tell a different story. He developed a strong, slow hunch about Natural selection months before he realized what he was thinking.
I might be slow hunching now.
The same talk described the benefits of ‘opening up to each other’ and mixing ideas to create amazing new solutions. The genesis of GPS is an example of such a beast.
My friend’s article felt a bit like a complaint with no solution.
There’s nothing wrong with complaining. In fact, I find that I rarely get something fixed (quickly) until I have complained about it out loud. In fact, the faster I say something is ‘impossible’, the faster I figure out how to make it possible.
We often need to put voice to the pain we feel so that we can do something to change the state of things.
As I ponder his challenge, I keep thinking, this article was a complaint, but it could have been a vision board.
It could be an article that sets up the problem (the current state). It could then paint a portrait of a future state.
Then it could list 3 things that could be done now to move in the direction of the future state. It might not solve the problems of the current state.
However, problems like navigating through a forest, is sometimes easier to do after we start.
We need to move in the direction of a thing, before we can ever course correct.
Unless, someone has a GPS Problem satellite, hovering 150k feet above us, that can calculate where we are and where we need to be and how to get there.
Now there’s an idea. How do we do that?
What is our Value in the world?
This was one of the core issues of this article. A group was trying to offer work to a single person by courting hundreds if not thousands of people to compete for the same job.
In chasing a large number of people, they had cut the offer amount to about one third of what it should have listed for according to my friend. Their thought must have been, if we put this out there to a large enough group of people, someone will take it at this price and we’ll save tens of thousands of dollars.
My friend noted, that when this happens, it decreases the value for everyone in the industry. A lower tide lowers all ships.
Fun Fact -The offer came from a cruise line.
I just brought my girlfriend’s three legged cat in from outside. She had gone out to ‘eat the grass’. It’s a part of her daily routine. She doesn’t stay long now that it is colder outside. Her remaining bones get chilled easy. Now, she is sitting atop the stairs in the sun beam I occupied before.
She’s trying to creep onto my lap, but that spot is taken by my laptop.

Future Vision – A World with Visions & fewer complaints

  1. So, I’m going to create a blog template. Something that is preformatted to showcase a problem, the current state. Something that is also pre-formatted to showcase the future state with solutions running.
  2. Then it will have a big arrow connecting those two things.
  3. Finally over top the arrow will be a quick list of things that can be done to help make it so.
  4. Bonus Round – There will also be an invitation for readers to chime in and co-mingle their visions of how they can make it so too.

What the Goal Isn’t

In this situation, the goal would not be to have a bunch of people tell my friend how to do the thing better nor argue about the 3 methods he might conceive of.

What the Goal is

The goal is to get more people envisioning their own role in the thing, and sharing how they would fit in the system.
For my military friends out there, this might be a little similar to the brainstorming process that comes with an After Action review, where everyone works to identify 3 things that went well and 3 things that could have gone better. The idea with an AAR is to keep what works and improve upon what isn’t working well enough. It is an iterative brainstorm.
This Vision Post could be helpful for the individual that writes it, but it could evolve into an iterative Hive Vision Post as well.
Bringing multiple people together in common vision cause to make the world a better place….
Now to do the thing!

Afternoon Addendum

I ran with some of the playful creativeness of the morning. I made an initial draft of a template for a  Blog Post Template for a Vision Board.
You can see a bit here…
no-pen-idea-bulb-paper Pexels.com 8704

Lack of Consent – Your Resistance is taking me Higher?

This title should be re-written maybe….

Your LoveResistance is not taking me Higher

I was partially inspired by the Jackie Wilson song ‘Higher and Higher’

This is the ironic or sarcastic feeling I have at the moment.

I do not feel higher. I feel lower.

I have a habit that brings me down.

I like to find things that work. I like to find things that make life better. Sometimes the things I find are solutions. Sometimes they are not solutions but make other things better enough that the problem is not a big deal anymore.

All this is great if I do these things for myself.

All this is not great if someone else does not want to do this AND I attempt to brainstorm with them.

I have held a number of positive notions about brainstorming for a long time.

What is a brainstorm?

Per google

brainstorm definition

brainstorm definition

Brainstorm Assault

As I write this, far too many people are in the news for sexual assault, sexual harassment and more. In some of those cases, consent is a major issue.  Consent does not always make the difference between something being appropriate or inappropriate, but it does correlate in many of the cases.

I feel like I am almost always in brainstorming mode. I’d posit that my brain is just wired that way. It’s my natural state of rest.

Maybe brainstorming is my super power, maybe it is my kryptonite.

The thing is, brainstorming is a group activity. It generally requires consent from the members that will take part. With that consent comes the rules of brainstorming that might include the concept that all ideas have some merit, even if they are only there to be the creative spark, or bridge to something else. Maybe some ideas are the things that help us contrast other ideas, ergo some offerings in a brainstorming session might really be pretty bad and help us see more clearly what is really good.

However, it is important in a brainstorming session to not naysay someone else’s contribution.  Bringing negativity to a brainstorming session is the best way to twist the hose of productivity into a tight knot.

Getting knotted up before receiving consent

This is my challenge. I’m almost always in brainstorming mode. Yet, I lose awareness that this is not the state of existence for many others.

If I reply in a conversation with a brainstorming like suggestion, I get stepped on. I sometimes get stepped on hard.

I have experienced this professionally. I have experienced this in relationships. I experienced it today.

I can listen well. I can hear well. I can give space.

These skills can help others gain insight into their root problems, challenges, hang ups, etc.

Sometimes, it is simply helpful to be heard.  Sometimes, we need an assist to see problems, challenges, hangups and more.

But…

I almost always want to jump into brainstorm mode. It is not easy to turn this off.

Many people (maybe most) rarely ask for consent to ‘just be heard and nothing else.’  They will often ‘dump’ their problems on others.  The intent of their sharing is not expressed. Consent to be heard is not requested.

Consent can be a two way street

People that want to be heard (only) need to request consent to be heard (or hire someone for that – often called a therapist).

People that want to jump into brainstorming mode need to request consent for that as well (or hire a team of people for that – often called employees).

When a person that wants to be heard crosses a brainstormers path and neither ask for consent, tensions rise.

The person that wants to be heard will not feel like they are being heard. They will hear and endless list of alternatives. It will sound like ‘should have done‘ suggestions. They will feel judged. They will feel guilt for not having done better. They will not hear their feelings expressed back to them let alone recognition that those feelings are ‘OK’.

The person that wants to brainstorm a problem and improve or solve it will feel resistance to their suggestions. Their good ideas, bad ideas and everything in between will all be shot down, not on merit, but because they were suggested at all.

The resistance to being heard and the resistance to opening the flow to creatively brainstorm will bring both people down energetically.

It will feel like shit. It might feel like an argument. It might feel like stubbornness. It might feel like uncaring callousness. It will feel confusing.

The person that dumps without consent will seek someone else to re-dump on as they still have not been heard.

The person that brainstorms without consent will seek someone else also as their creativity has not been heard either.

Both will eventually isolate and give up if this repeats.

If I can’t be heard, why should I share my feelings?

Two heads are better than one

This truism applies in brainstorming. Almost everyone in the western world has heard this saying. I suspect there are similar sayings in other cultures.

The thing is, not everyone has been educated or trained in brainstorming, how to do it nor how to do it effectively.

The same is true of actively listening. Most people have little education or training in how to engage in active listening.

Should know better

I have both education and training in both.

I still can’t get the consent part right. My education and training and my ability to internalize the lessons from both have only just started to spark awareness of the importance of consent here.

This article is written, as I work on this awareness. I’m attempting to build my awareness higher and higher.

If I can get the consent right, maybe I can connect in love more effectively both to actively listen and to actively brainstorm at the right time.

If I do not, the resistance will never truly take me higher. It will hold me back and thwart my progress. It will prevent me from being able to help others as well!

 

So….

Your LoveResistance is not taking me Higher,

but it is helping me see the way!