First How I got here
Winter is ending and I feel as if I am starting to break free from my own cocoon. I have journaled, mostly privately, through an introspective book called 30 Shamanic Questions. Today, I am on Question 29. I have shared a couple of these publicly, and most I have kept private or shared with just a friend or two.
While I am more than capable of introspection, I am by nature the type of person that prefers to open up and share and work through thoughts with others. I trust in others to do what they will with the thoughts I share. I have found that sharing increases the potential for me to learn and grow from the feedback of others. There are many truisms that capture this that run along the vein of
Two heads are better than one.
For me to look introspectively only, that for me is a way of working inside the box when my comfort zone is outside of the box. It has been helpful for me to hold myself in the box a bit and contain my sharing and openness a bit as well. It has helped me to re-establish a type of balance.
As I ask the question today, Who am I really and what is my soul’s purpose? (flipping the order), I recognize that even though I am capable of containing myself and working within, I am by nature an open and sharing person. I have found this process healthy and helpful and suspect I may repeat this process in the years to come. I might not repeat it every year, but as I need, I will build a cocoon and work inside for a while. Then when the spring or the transition comes, I’ll chew my way out of the cocoon and fly away again with new wings.
New Wings; New Potential
That is how I feel at the moment. I feel as if I am chewing my way through the cocoon. I can feel new potential in my shoulder blades, near where my wings must emerge. I cannot see them nor feel them nor stretch them yet, but I can feel new growth there.
I have been working on myself and my career and my business all winter as I perform this introspective work on my soul.
I can feel new opportunities shaking loose. I am getting several glimpses and tastes of these.
A couple comments by people of late have me focusing on an aspect of myself that has been somewhat hidden to me. Maybe it is a blindspot, maybe it is due to a lack of vanity in the past, and a new vanity emerging now? Maybe it is just the emerging entity coming out of a cocoon that hasn’t quite understood my new form.
I hear people telling me that they are happy for my presence and positive attitude or
Attitude is not the correct word, I rarely capture the precise words that people use. I tend to focus on the feeling and sentiment….
They mention the positive energy or feeling or vibration that they experience when I am around.
Accepting compliments like this is something that I rarely know how to handle. 🙂
It feels vain to even acknowledge this type of thing. I feel humbled when I hear compliments like this.
There are times when I feel these sentiments are true. In fact, more often than not, I feel they are true.
There are other times, when I am working to keep at bay a whirlwind of feelings, stress, anxieties and manage complex scenarios. I work dilligently to maintain calm and approach things with patience and perspective. I achieve this often enough. Sometimes I do not.
I follow the path of the Tao and the teachings of Lao Tsu help guide me and my perspective in this regards.
I work to keep myself healthy through the food I eat and many different types of exercise and activity and sleep and rest and fun as well.
This relates to purpose, which I’m getting too. I promise.
I read a lot of fiction in particular. I read a lot of everything, but fiction dominates. I feel that this enables me to have a perspective on possibilities and probabilities that make it possible for me (ego kicking in a bit) to see the path through challenges like a hero in a novel and find and seize a positive outcome, no matter what things life throws my way.
That perspective and way of life actually needs some more work. 🙂 I still have ego kicking in as is obvious above. Yet, it gives me a sense of potential in finding positive solutions that empowers me to feel positive about the future in almost all situations.
When I do feel stress or anxiety, it is more often not about a negative feeling for the future as much as it is for the feeling of
‘Why isn’t this over yet?’
And that is about the time when my patience kicks in or I practice yoga or I meditate and reboot my brain to restore equilibrium.
Who am I?
I am a creative and positive person that has experienced a lot that life has to offer. Experience brings with it a great deal of ease and opportunity and it brings with it challenges and obstacles. I have experienced a lot through my path on the roller coaster.
I am a truthful person, not because I do not know how to tell a convincing lie or because I am incapable of bullshit. I am truthful through long experience knowing that openness and truth get me where I want to be.
- Bullshit can take a person to a destination. It can land them a job or a dream house or many other things, but it is a job and house built on bullshit surrounded by bullshit. This is not the path I choose.
- Truth and openness may or may not take us where we want to go, but it will enable us to be where we want to be, present where we can feel and experience the truth around us and witness openness reciprocated from others of like mind and spirit.
So I open up and tell the truth. It has resulted in many twists and turns in my career and business.
I have traveled long and far away from successful bullshit. Even when I am in doubt, I know at least that I am not mired in bullshit.
My work and my career choices and even most of the projects I have taken on over the last decade tend to focus on helping others in their personal life or their business or professional life to share their truth and connect with others.
Truth is the thing that allows us to trust each other. Truth is the foundation for which business agreements and contracts are built. Without truth, contracts are voidable and business and commerce (as we know it) break down in corruption.
There are times in my past where people have questioned my truth over and over. I am not here to defend it. I share it for what it is. There are times, when I do not always understand it any better than they do.
I have lost people dear to me that seem to have lost themselves in their own truth and built up (outward looking in observation, not judging, just witnessing) what seems to be bullshit. As people I love get lost building up a life on mounds of bullshit, it becomes more difficult for them to relate to the life that I live.
I have lived there. I have experienced what they are experiencing. I can relate and empathize with their view and maybe even their judgments of me.
For me it took a significant wake up call, to recognize what I had built in that way and recognize that it was not how I wanted to live. It was not me. I was not bullshit. My soul’s purpose was not bullshit.
I am openness and truth. I am a seeker and I am traveling a path to gain more understanding and wisdom. I may not and probably will not complete the path. That is not the point.
The destination is not the goal.
The journey and how I navigate the journey, this is my goal.
I do not intend to live a life taking advantage of people, one-upping them, acting aggressively to gain ground while holding or pushing others back.
I want to empower others and not steel their power to advance my own, temporarily as this would be a path towards bullshit.
What is my soul’s purpose?
My purpose is to continue forward with grace. When my ego kicks in, I sometimes think that my example might help or inspire others. At a minimum, I might be able to shed some truth and light on parts of my path that others might need to follow for short distances as they find their own way and own path.
My purpose is more likely one of simply not adding to the bullshit and cleaning up bullshit as I go.
I am a clean as I go kind of person. If I’m walking and see litter on the ground, I pick it up and throw it away. I may not pick up all of it, but I’ll pick up some.
It is part of how I was raised.
If I’m going from A to B and have the potential to take something with me from A that belongs at B, I’ll take it with me. If I return from B to A and something needs to be at A, I’ll maintain awareness and seize the opportunity to make that happen.
This too is part of how I was raised. (Not just by my parents, but also by my grandparents and by my community and tribe and teachers and employers during my formative years.)
Cleaning up the loose bullshit and shedding light on the path so that people can avoid stepping in bullshit, this is my soul’s purpose.
It sounds simple. It has deep implications.
In many ways, we are still as a planet emerging from the dark ages. There might even be an argument that each generation is tested to see if they will serve light (truth) or darkness (lies and bullshit).
I’m in it for the truths. I’m in it to shed light.
I have worked in intelligence to gather and collect information from around the world to attempt to better understand and document the truth.
I have worked in accounting and finance to collect information and data and tie out and reconcile the truth down to the penny from billions and billions of transactions.
I have worked in journalism to collect information, analyze and share it with others.
I have worked in marketing attempting to help people share their truth with others that might benefit from it, but not be aware of the truth that is available.
In each of these areas, I have also experience the bullshit. I have seen the bullshit that leads to corruption and break downs, serious breakdowns in these areas.
I have been tempted and even pushed to join in the corruption and fuel it further. I did not accept the temptation.
I do not say this as a more Holy than Thou being, but simply as a statement of fact. I was tested and I chose not to participate in the corruption.
My soul’s purpose is easy enough to witness in my past.
My soul’s purpose going forward is a challenge. I am not a fortune teller. I do not see the future.
Yet, I know that I simply need to look for the truth, share my truth, look for the truth in others and the ideas that they share. I will simply continue to illuminate the bullshit on the path for myself and any that might want to avoid it also.
I will not stop and stand on the path holding a flashlight while yelling to the world, “Watch out for this bullshit right here!”
I will trust that others will have their own abilities to detect and avoid bullshit too.
But as i travel, I will raise my hand and or point out the obstacle for any that are near or following a similar path. It is a simple enough courtesy.
It’s like opening a door or holding it open a second or two longer for a person coming through about the same time. I do this for people all the time. I do not perform this courtesy for women only out of a sense of chivalrous obligation. I do this for men and women alike simply to show a little kindness and because the extra second or two costs me nothing in effort.
It does enable a quick connection, a sharing of humanity, love, kindness and might be something that pays dividends for both myself and the people receiving.
I don’t even do this for the dividends. I simply do it knowing that a little kindness makes the world a better place….
And so, I do the same as I quickly clean up or illuminate a little bullshit.
There are plenty of opportunities for this. Writing it out here, in detail, helps me better understand the sign posts and guidance that I need to travel forward on my path and make the right decisions that will make my life better, and empower myself and those around me.
Maybe this will help you to find clarity in your own soul’s purpose. Maybe you will similarly choose to clean up or illuminate bullshit too!
If more and more people are able to avoid bullshit, the world might become a happier, healthier place.
We might build stronger trust amongst each other and the peace dividends generated from more trust, easier relationships, less corruption, these are things that we can build a better world and grow our souls in ways that only light can grow beyond the darkness.