What does it mean to live in truth and trust love? Why is this the only real answer to healing codependency? (from Question 24 of @LindaStarWolf ‘s book 30 Shamanic Questions for Hummanity )
what does it mean….
why is this the answer…
As I read these questions, I am initially inspired to talk about my past, my beliefs, what has guided me along my path all these years. These are not new topics to me by any stretch of the imagination. I have been living in and following this concept consciously for the last 26 years. In this comforting knowledge of my conscious path, I am reminded that my wisdom was present, but I am also very aware that it is not complete!
My wisdom evolves and the little tiny bit that I had at each step along my path was not nearly enough to move forward with out making mistakes and mis steps and more.
That’s ok. 🙂
I make mistakes, I learn, I grow and that is part of everything….
Back to the questions
What does it mean to live in truth and love?
So I focus on answering the questions at hand and not living in my past. Living in truth and love means opening up and sharing the things that are important to me (often at that time, but sometimes in a greater sense) with those that I encounter for meaningful situations.
I feel that most encounters hold an opportunity for a meaningful connection, a lesson to learn and more. When we miss that opportunity, it cycles back around again and again until we seize it and share and open up and learn and eventually, learn the lesson we need and maybe share the clues with others that they need. Some encounters are one way opportunities where we are placed somewhere to help others and some where they are placed to help us. Other encounters are two way opportunities where we come together to share and learn different clues from each other to help us both move forward.
This is part of the what does it mean to live in truth part. We seek the truth. We are active in it. We are conscious and aware. I first started to learn this after reading The Celestine Prophecy. I realized that the spiritual concepts of that book presented as a fiction book in the form of a Heroes’ Journey was a theme that I had been taking in repeatedly for two decades before that. This book helped crystalize the benefits of fables and fiction and learning through fictional characters.
There is a lot to my writing that follows that reflects from the path of Lao Tsu and also from a book called ‘Love is the Killer App’ by Tim Sanders. I read from Wayne Dyer’s interpretation of Lao Tsu almost every day. I re-read Love is the Killer App every few years and often before going to a large conference where I will meet new people.
Then there is the love part. We cannot connect with people truly, we can not open up and share our truth or empathize and understand their truth, if we do not open up in love with them. We actively engage in loving the people we meet so that we can share and learn. It is possible to ‘hate’ someone and learn a small bit about what we do not like in them, but that just serves us with the concept of something we dislike and odds are that this thing we dislike is a mirror of some aspect of ourselves that we self loath. There is no opportunity for deep wisdom or progress via hate.
When we open up to love even the people that create a visceral reaction in us, we can find compassion and humanity in their actions. We might sense areas in their own being that need healing and that is worthy of compassion and love as well. Even when we encounter a bully or an abusive person, we are encountering a wounded human animal reacting out of their own misfortunes in life. While this may not ‘justify’ which implies judgment on them, their actions, it does enable us to see past judgmental feelings and better ‘understand’ this person and how they ended up where they are.
We can remain connected ourselves to the energy and love that fuels us and makes us whole and share and open up that love with this person. (There may be times when we are not connected or hurting ourselves and this might be a time when we are not in a place where we can do this well.)
We all phase in and out of our connectedness until we get a lot further along our path.
As we love them, we can trust that they are doing the best they can as they see their way through their own path. It may be a path that is at a cross roads with our own, it might even be switching back in an opposite direction to our own as one or the other of us is backing up to cover ground in an easier slope or to make up for something missed in the past, picking up a clue along that path that previously just looked like a rock or stick or something.
Running to the beautiful and feeling love
Another lesson that I have employed to good effect, something I learned from the Celestine Prophecy again, is the concept of when physically navigating the world, to look for the most beautiful thing on our real physical path. When I run, I look into the distance so that I am not lost in feeling every single, little step, and pebble and inch. If I focus on every single inch of my run, it will feel like I am running endlessly. When I look forward, usually with my head and eyes parallel to the ground, I cast my gaze looking for the most beautiful thing I can find.
When I find that beautiful thing, I lock on it. I focus on it. I dive in with my gaze and embrace it. I maintain that connection to the thing of beauty until it is physically uncomfortable to keep running forward and I have to repeat the process and find a new thing of beauty.
I have run thousands of miles and had to repeat this process every 50-100 meters of each one of those miles. I do the same when I walk and hike.
My point is that I have lots of practice.
I employ the same technique in people, sometimes almost to a fault.
I look for the beauty in people. Sometimes it is a physical manifestation of beauty. Sometimes it is an energy or zest for life or interest in a thing they geek on. Sometimes their beauty manifest in their execution of the things they do, fluidity of movement or flow or expediency and efficiency of the way they do their job or engage in their sports or fun or sometimes their laughter and the way they share truth and love with others.
Everyone has something of this in them. Some have many facets that I can spot easily. Others require a little more effort on my part, which reflects more on my abilities and not on their lacking in beauty.
Again, I have a lot of practice at this. It helps me to love them and engage with them in truth and openess.
I can always do better.
I hinted that I do this to a fault sometimes.
I often say that I remember people for what they do and have trouble remembering their names.
‘I do not consider myself a ‘name’ person yet.’
This would be the fault I refer to. It is an area I need a different type of practice because people often do not feel the reciprocation of love until we use their name in conversation and acknowledgement. They can, it is possible, but using their name helps.
Why is all of this the only real answer to codependency?
Trusting and loving people is the primary way to empower them to live their life and follow their path without ‘manipulative’ or codependent manifestations from us on their journey. We can share and receive wisdom from each other without forcing it on them or taking their energy as we play out a control drama with them. A control drama is basically a role playing thing that we build up like a bad habit to take energy from others, or dominate and control them. Codependency has many manifestations of control dramas.
When we simply let others follow their path and trust that they will figure things out even as they make mistakes it makes it easier to love them and love and savor the Heroes’ Journey of their own story. It may feel like a roller coaster at times and we might even feel the near misses and the loop de loops and even some of the falls and crashes in our own stomachs. Yet, like a roller coaster we can be curious as to what will come around the next turn and excited to see how life unfolds.
We can be aware that maybe we can learn through observation. Maybe we can share something that will help and know that when we share the other person may or may not be ready to receive that information. We can know that maybe they have already received that information and it did not work for them and now they are looking for different information too.
When we do the opposite and try to get them to do this or that or the other thing, it’s like running along the tracks of the roller coaster trying to yank the person out of their car, away from their path.
They are buckled in for the ride and our manipulative attempts to pull them out of their ride, hurts them and might hurt us, especially if our hand gets caught in the chain or seat belt or bar or the car and suddenly we find ourselves riding along on a ride that is not ours.
They might even lash out to push us away or force us to let go, let them go, let the codependent urges go, let them be their own person and live.
We can love their story and be thrilled by their journey and the way they navigate their path and we can trust they are doing the best they can and trust they will make corrections as they can and as often as they can and sometimes they will do the things that they simply need to do to hold on and stay in their car without falling out.
Sometimes they will be able to flip a switch and move onto a different track and sometimes they will still be catching their breath from the last twist and turn and vertical drop and won’t quite be ready to change tracks to a different path.
We can let them go. We can wait our turn in line and enjoy our own ride along the way.
~ Often as I work through this book, I keep my questions and response private. Sometimes I find that sharing them is helpful as well or in sharing them I am not sharing my reflections on interactions with specific other people that might be a reflection those or the others near and dear to me may or may not be ready to hear. I’m sharing this one.