Earlier this evening I spent an hour constructing a headline. The headline above took about 15 seconds.

I needed to find a better way.

I’m lying in bed writing this. It has been a cold, rainy day. It was a good day, but I feel chilled to the bone. I have a heating pad on high under my back simply to warm me up.

I found a better way.

The media I have consumed today has sometimes lifted me up, helped me keep going, helped me find patience, hope, focus and even a smile. Right now I am listening to Bob Marley and the Wailers. 

‘Everything’s gonna be all right’ ~ chorus from No Woman, No Cry

I have exercised a bit today. I have eaten healthy food and with people I love. I have accomplished a number of things today. My ‘sense’ of accomplishment however is a bit short circuited. For the last 36 hours, I have been aware that I am working through a low energy cycle. Most of that time was not spent in a place of low energy, but I have regularly bounced down into it.  Positive high energy, my norm, has not been easy to maintain.

I will find a better way.

I have not felt enough sun over the last few days. Winter is only just beginning. I was able to split some wood while in the sun yesterday. That helped a bit. I need more of that. I need more time in the sun. 

‘Cause every little thing, gonna be all right’ 

I will find a better way.

I have done some amazing things the last couple weeks. The past is not important, but the method I am using has been super helpful.  It has allowed me to put aside anxiety and be in the now working through each thing important to me one thing at a time. This was one of the things that allowed me to maintain some very high energy. I did this out of necessity. It worked very well. 

I found a better way.

In retrospect, some of it was a bit artificial. I followed a path that allowed me to do what I needed to do. It worked well. At the time, I had to set a few feelings aside. There were times and situations where I had to sidestep emotions of my own and some of those around me. I could not allow myself the luxury (?) of empathizing through some fears, anxiety or depression of others around me. I could only move one step in front of the other. I suspect this eventually put me slightly out of balance. It is why, I am in a place of occasional low energy now.

I need to find a better way.

I feel that my approach was a good approach. Eight years ago, I started running in toe shoes. I ran down the block and loved them. I ran too far and my muscles, my little small toe and foot muscles, would become fatigued. I could not feel the fatigue in these muscles. My larger muscles kept my legs moving and my smaller foot muscles had to do their thing. Until they didn’t. Then I would trip or fall or stub a toe and suffer an injury. I had found a new approach to running. It was a good approach. 

I had found a better way.

It took me 18 months until I could run at my former normal level using my new method. Over the last year, I have been working in many new methods. I have been adding new methods in my life that make me healthier and happier and more. Still, the little muscles in whatever system that is akin to my foot, an analogy, when they fatigue, I do not always feel the lactic acid making something scream. I only notice when I stumble or trip or find myself in a puddle of low energy temporarily. I have the method. I have a better path. I do not yet have the endurance for the new way.

I will find a better way.

This is where I am. It helps me a great deal to catalog this feeling and perspective and share it with myself. Even as I recognize this in myself, I can focus on rest and recovery and rebuilding. Identifying the thing, will help me rest easy and awake tomorrow knowing that again,

I have found a better way.


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