This is a pep talk. Like most pep talks, we never know how useful or powerful or on target it will be until it is over.

It is a pep talk regardless and not a critical assessment or even a walk through the rhetoric of understanding… despite the hints of the title. Pep talks often include a bit of a binary choice. Typically, pep talks are of the nature of a choice to succeed or be better or grow or the alternatives.

This pep talk is for me. If you like, you can read along pretending that you are having the same pep talk with your own self or you can read along as I talk to myself.

Your choice! 😉

The Pep Talk question

Is that wall an opportunity to bash my head through it or a sign post for a different path?

I keep running into this question. Why is this so hard? Why is this thing I so difficult? Are the difficult things in life really the things worth achieving? Why are the things so difficult now?

Great way to start a pep talk!

Should I blast through these obstacles?

  • Conquer them one at a time,
  • two at a time,
  • ten at a time and
  • then look back with awe at my past and the memories of achieving something that was difficult.

Will this give me the sense of accomplishment I’m looking for?

As I live in my future present, will I be happy knowing that I relentlessly did something difficult?

If I beat my head against a wall and after days, weeks, months or years of bashing my skull against the wall, when I finally break through that wall, climb through and look back through the hole I created, will that be an achievement worth having?

Sometimes these pep talks start in a dark place, after all contrasting between the light and the shadow is sometimes helpful…

So what if this wall in front of me is not one that I need to bash my way through with head or sledge-hammer or saw or dynamite or whatever. What if this wall in front of me, is simply a sign post indicating that my path lies in a different direction?

What if I simply need to find a different path out of the boxed in walls I find myself?

Maybe there is a door that I have not yet discovered? Maybe there is some other way out, a vent, a drain, a tunnel through the floor? Maybe I’m not really in this box at all and simply need to become aware of where I really am?

Do we really benefit from fighting the boogeyman when we are asleep and dreaming? Do we wake up in the morning impressed with ourselves for defeating the specters in our dream?

Last night I dreamed that I watched someone who changed their form and was literally tossed a few dozen feet, hitting the ground and rolling with limbs flailing. They appeared dazed and unresponsive. After a few minutes they rose and sped off across the grass, through a field moving at a super human speed.

Later in the dream, I became the person to experience the same phenomena. Something flung my body and it rolled as it hit the grassy ground. There was no pain. I could feel myself absorbing the colors, the grass, the flowers…my body tumbled and flailed but I was one with the surroundings. It felt wonderful like diving into a lake of rainbows, while my body dissolved into the fluids of the rainbow’s light and became part of it. I was me and I was light and color.

Then I too slowly came back to my form in the shape of a human. I could run, leap and move in amazing ways.

There was ease and absolutely no difficulty.

Looking back at my life, I marvel at the obstacles and the difficulties that I have overcome time and time again. I faced one impossibility after another and made it through the wall. Too many of these impossibilities were beyond difficult. I felt that I would break over and over again, but I bashed my way through.

I feel tougher. I feel stronger. I feel like I might actualize anything. I feel like I could bash my way through a hundred or a thousand more walls using my most powerful too, my head.

Did I experience happiness while I bashed my head into a wall?

No.

Sure, I found my way to the other side of the wall. I achieved the goal of the thing on the other side.

I almost always found another wall too.

What about the easy experiences? Did I only walk up hill both ways through snow and sleet and wind and molten lava and astroids falling all around me just to get to school? Was it all just head bashing in my past?

Not all.

I have had many experiences where things flowed and great things happened with little effort.

Many times, my head has told me that I have to do some difficult things to get somewhere easy. I might tell myself, I need to bash my head through these next 10 walls to get to an easy place where the head bashing can end.

And don’t even get me started on all the times when I codependently jumped in to bash my head through someone else’s wall to help them break through. Were they grateful?

Probably not as all I did was help them see another wall to bash their way through on the other side.

The Lesson – Those walls are signs, not walls!

Am I looking to closely at something. Is the microscope zoomed in way too much? Too much analysis?

Brick wall perspective

Brick wall perspective ~ Geralt

Have I tried backing up? Have I found a way to take in a new perspective? Have I asked for better directions or the perspective of someone else?

What will I find if I do backup?

Will it help spare me another head bashing experience?

Sign on the wall

Sign on the wall ~ Geralt

Following the head bashing lemmings through the wall and into the sea

There’s a lot of negativity in that last comment. Wasn’t this a pep talk?

It’s a feeling I have. I’m not going to dismiss it. I need to recognize it for its truth and for the fear that it elicits too.

I have never been much of a follower.

I am quick to consider the perspectives of others and do my best to apply the wisdom from those perspectives as they fit my abilities and needs and goals. Sometimes those perspectives help and sometimes they do not help and sometimes they need transformation.

If I find myself on a snowy mountain top. I might consider taking the perspective of friends, who have found themselves on a snowy peak too.

Me – What’s the best way down?
Friend – Use skis and ski down the slope!
Me – Ok, will try that.

Yet, if the snowy peak only has snow for the first twenty feet, skiing down the mountain might not serve me well.

Maybe I applied poor perspective or set the stage poorly to take perspective or lots of things. Maybe my friend might have been unable to share my perspective. Maybe I could see the rocky slopes just past the snow, but all they could see was me standing on a snow-covered peak.

The answer might be obvious to them.

So will I reality check my own circumstances, or blindly rely on the advice of those that cannot see my path as clearly as I can?

Maybe, I need to use different skis, something with revolving tracks on them that allow me to ski on snow, gravel and grass or something…

As I go forward through this day, this week, I need to focus on what feels natural. I need to focus on the path that unfolds with ease and step back away from the walls that are signs. I need not bash my head through a sign on a wall just to get to the other side. I might not need to go in the direction through that wall/sign at all!

I might need to go left or right or up or down or expand completely outside of the box and re-evaluate the rat’s maze I have let confine me.

Over the last year, I have worked hard to rebuild my abilities to make short and medium and long-term decisions. It has been a year of healing and rebuilding.

My gut instincts combined with my life experiences and shards of wisdom and more, they are speaking to me more and more.

Each time I attempt to breach a wall to get to the greener pasture on the other side, those walls seem to get thicker and thicker and become almost impenetrable.

And you know what?

That’s not the green pasture I am looking for anyway.

My path is going in a different direction.

I am not turning away from effort and planning and work. I’m turning away from bashing my way through walls.

There’s a difference. My walls might be your doorways and my doorways might be your walls.

We each have our path to follow.

In this stage of my life, I’m finally arriving at a time, maybe a level of knowing, I’m shy of calling this wisdom, where doing things the hard way, it’s not the solution for me.

It is turning me away from the lesson I need to learn. Each time I do things the hard way, it means I have failed the lesson, and a new even thicker and harder wall materializes before me. It exists to help me feel and know that this wall is not present for my skull to bash it.

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