I am reframing my present to chart a new path forward. As is often the case in life, I’m doing this out of necessity after coming home to the shit hitting the fan last night, literally.

For several days, I have contemplated what to write here to kick start this process. I am not perfectly clear on what I need to say, but I am out of time. I may not get this new direction, course correction perfect, but I can ‘recalculate’ as I move in a better direction.

Sharing My Roller Coaster Journey – Begets more roller coaster bumps

Out of necessity and the need to heal, and own my shit and look inward to root out more things than I can count that needed fixing or improving, I have shared my journey. I have been open and honest about my feelings. I have shared my emotions when raw and when happy and everything in between.

I reconnected with myself. It was essential to healing. I am happy and grateful that so many people have been able to witness my experience. I am even happier and more grateful that so many people and friends and family have shared wisdom and perspective and experiences and their own experiences. This has helped me gain perspective and helped me to envision new options.

This process served me very well, at the time.

I am approaching a point where I need to shift this a bit. Sometimes, when I share my roller coaster emotional experiences, my roller coaster personal experiences, my roller coaster career and business experiences, my roller coaster relationship experiences and my roller coaster parenting experiences….

… It frames myself and my path. We humans have a wonderful tool and gift in our brains. They help us intuitively jump forward several steps on a path of logic. We can see a plot unfold in the future and take appropriate actions and steps to adapt.

When I witness my roller coaster journey and when my friends and family and loved ones witness my roller coaster journey, we all are more likely to intuitively guesstimate what is in store for my future, more roller coaster rides.

As my left hear slightly flutters, literally, I am reminded that roller coasters are not something that serves me well any more. I do not need physical roller coasters in my life.

I definitely have learned to appreciate life in many new and important ways over the last year. I have reconnected and can feel things far more than I could before my life turned upside down. I am more capable of doing good things in life when I am emotionally connected.

I will not lose this connection. I will not shun feelings or empathy or any of the things that allow me to feel the highs and lows of life.

I have learned one type of lesson. I’m ready to learn another.

Charting my new path – Away from the Roller Coasters

I have other things to experience and feel. I do not need to remain in life’s amusement park section dominated by roller coasters. There are other great things that I need to experience. I need not stay on the same ride for years.

So I am charting my path through the twisty and confusing amusement park trail towards a different section. For this I would like to ask for your help…

These are the things I am seeking…

Any information or wisdom to help me find my way will be appreciated.

I need to move forward in life with a new level of peace and calm and ease. As a character in my own narrative, I need less struggle.

Many of you know that I am more than capable of rolling with the coaster and surviving the struggle, sometimes even thriving despite the struggle.

However, this is not the vibe that I want people to know me for. This is not the signal I want to send. I choose and ask for your consideration in helping me to reset this signal.

It starts with me. I am changing, again. I have done this many times throughout my life. I am doing it yet again. I do not want to associate myself with struggle. It no longer serves me.

I want my friends and family to help with this. For some of you this will be an easier shift than others. Many of you have witness my path in times and years when the struggle was not present.

You have witnessed my ease at navigating a path through my teen and formative years as I transformed myself and easily moved from one happy and exciting time to another.

Many of you witnessed my change as I easily moved into the military and while keeping true to myself moved successfully through a career and life change, finding stability and gaining control of myself. I ended patterns of binge drinking and matured and took on amazing levels of responsibility. I learned from my mistakes in education and work in the military and I thrived.

Many of you witnessed my transition and changes all over again as I left the military and went back to school. For a period of eight years, I easily worked through a double major in Finance and Accounting and a Master’s in Law in Offshore Financial Centers, anti-money laundering and international tax. I did this while working full time and easily building a career with the United Postal Service first and then in finance and accounting within a fortune 100 company second.

Many of you witnessed my personal life and growth as I married early and easily and successfully started a family, purchased my first home while still a sophomore in college, rebuilt businesses for one of my employers, launched my own business, had children and more, all while going to school and launching a career.

I read and enjoyed thousands of books. I made lots of friends around the United States initially and soon after around the world.

I easily moved from one area of the country to the next from the midwest to California to Texas and Massachusetts and Savannah and South Florida and Atlanta and then eventually to my current home in North Carolina.

Many of you have witnessed and helped or guided or worked with me as I launched my own business initially in 2005 as I transitioned out of my work in Finance and Accounting and ventured on a new path of professional writing and internet marketing. This led into marketing and web development and WordPress training and consulting.

I helped people launch or improve businesses with my wide range of experience and talents. I loved helping people thrive and grow.

I still do.

Some of my work has run its course and it is time for me to renew and reset.

For all of you, it will be easier to understand that I am capable of navigating changes and growth with ease.

These are the things I need now. It requires a bit of a reframing of my story, of my narrative. I will remain honest and open. I will not ever ‘fake it until I make it’.

I will move forward cooperatively with those I encounter along my path.

Currently I am seeking the following things. I am open to moving forward with ease along a path and am open to new ways to navigate this path.

I seek better ways to manage my current business and help it scale such that I can provide great service and insight to my clients without struggling.

I seek easy and plentiful compensation for this work that does not impair my clients’ finances because the results of my work make rewarding my efforts easy too.

I seek new challenges and a shift in my personal career development and growth.

Specifically, I want to take on a new role within someone else’s organization or company. I am open to many possibilities here. I will share my abilities to communicate, to write, to listen, to share, to empathize, to guide, to grow and develop opportunities with ease for the organization that employs me. I will happily work as an employee or a contractor. The legal form is not important.

I seek an opportunity that provides me with the ability to easily devote my time and energies and attentions to the challenges of this organization so that I am not distracted with personal financial challenges.

I seek a new place to live. My current apartment has helped me grow and heal in many ways. I am happy and grateful for this place. It helped me. It helped my children, most especially my youngest daughter in countless ways to grow and blossom. My stay here has run its course.

It is time to move. I feel that I have received many signs that it is time to move. First, I want to and have wanted to for several weeks. Second, I see many places for rent in this area. I do want to remain in this area, this town of Cramerton for another year at minimum. Third, I have witnessed my path and options close and come to an end where living here is concerned.

Even last night as I returned home around midnight, the apartment above me wanted to signal an end to my tenancy here. It thoughtfully and helpfully sprung a leak in the toilet, which gently showered my own restroom through my fan… ~hence the shit hitting the fan reference above.

The property that owns this apartment has increased my rent 3 times in the last 12 months. In addition, extra fees were assessed. My rent has increased by 16-22% since I moved in last October.  It is too much for this place. It is time to move.

I seek the ease and funds to be able to move.

I do not want to limit my options. I have received some amazing help from friends and family over the last year. This help came at times when I desperately needed help. They felt like emergency gifts and funds. I needed them. I am ever grateful for that help. I have worked hard to pay all that help forward and then some when and where I can. I will continue to do the same for the rest of my life.

Now, I seek the ease to get help up to take care of myself. I’m looking for a hand up, not a hand out. I do not want that to sound prideful. I am humbled and happy and open to whatever life has to offer. Yet, I seek and need the ability to heal myself more by taking care of myself as I have for decades. After living life and taking care of so many people myself for so long, it has been humbling to need help. I learned from it. I gained significant perspective and hopefully some bit of wisdom.

I seek to carry my own burdens. I seek help and guidance in finding new opportunities in this regard.

I want to be specific about this so as not to get help from friends and family that is out of tune though…

Not everyone understands what I do or what I am currently capable of doing. 🙂 We live in specialized times and it is not easy to understand our friends and families current skill sets all the time.

I build WordPress websites for people. I work as more of a consultant and architect and not so much of a raw coder. I am not a front end developer nor a back end developer. I have the intellect and the education and experience to teach myself enough to work through coding requirements when they come up, but this is not currently a strength. I am open to gaining more education to become a developer. To do this, I would need to seek time and money and space to learn. I would need a minimum of 3 dedicate months. There are intensive courses that provide this. I mention this to keep the options open. It is not currently my first choice.

On Page Optimization Work – I enjoy writing. It grounds and connects me. I would very much like to find a position engaging in writing or for those that are familiar with the concept, on-page optimization, a type of technical editing for search engine optimization. I have experience with this and even taught it to others 5-6 years ago. I would like to get back to that work now.

My extensive experience in web development coupled with my eclectic experience working directly in many industries and working indirectly for clients in many more industries positions me to uniquely fit rapidly into many industries and companies. I want to use this and my data analysis skills to help companies achieve amazing results. I have highly developed excel and spreadsheet skills, pivots, lookups, and graphs are things that I enjoy working on large scale sets of data. I am no stranger to databases or systems either. I will admit that my db skills in everything other than mysql is a bit rusty, but I have learned and re-learned these skills many times and can and will do this again.

I would love to jump into a project using a data cube and multiple slices and working through projections and scenarios and data analysis. I have even contemplated retaking calculus and statistics and financial analysis with calculus again to refresh my education in each of these areas.

I like having my finger on the pulse of data. I like putting the vision of what this data says into words and charting a path forward for organizations.

I seek to remain emotionally connected with companies, teams, employees, and clients I might work with. I am very open to positions in account management. This has been a strength of mine for many years. I have maintained it these last ten years in my own business. I would like to grow this more.

I do have project management experience with large projects, but this skill is a bit rusty. I’d like to work my way back into this type of role someday. I’m capable of learning quickly and adapting. I am open to doing this now. Yet, I would prefer to work in some other capacity in an organization for at least 3-6 months first. I am in no rush, and I am also not looking to take longer than is needed either.

Connecting.

I enjoy being in the moment. I strive to be present and focused when I am engaged and connected to whomever I am with. This is my strength. I hope than any of you that think of me, can connect to a memory or a time when you have experienced this trait in myself.

I’d like to ask that you hold this feeling of the memory just a bit and as you hold this maybe you will think of something, or find something or notice something that might be a good fit for my future and path. I would love it if you could find some way or place I might help others, you, your company, a company or person you know of, or some random thing that seems like just the right thing….

This is the type of hand up that I am looking for. I regularly apply for new positions and have been doing so for over a year now.

Last night after the shit hit the fan, I worked for 3 hours to complete the first part of an extensive application and review process with State Farm for their Agent evaluation process. This interests me. I do not yet know if I am a good fit. I have launched a regional business in a territory with a large company before. It was not as large as State Farm and the process was not as refined as this one. If nothing else, I expect to learn something about myself as I continue with their evaluation.

I would like to do more work in the internet industry that I have participated these last 10 years. I have done some amazing work as a brand evangelist. I have helped thousands of people getting established with ecommerce. I have trained and coached hundreds of people online and in person. I have a lot to offer here.

I seek my next opportunity so that I can continue to serve.

I ask, what is the best way I can serve?

 

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