I’m perched (is that a place or a fish?) almost atop Crowder’s Mountain. This particular rock is not the most comfortable nor the warmest on this fall morning.
I hiked up the road, the longer and ‘easier’ path watching the mountain slowly wake up to the rays of the oversleeping sun. Daylight savings time has not adjusted our sleep patterns. Even as I drove my daughter to school, the sun had not yet risen at 7:45am. It was only starting to breech the trees after 8 as I walked and warmed to my movement and breath.
I had taken my jacket off as I hiked, but put it back on to type this. The wind is blowing steadily through the trees at the summit. This is a little unusual for the Piedmont of North Carolina, just east of the mountains and a few hours west of the Atlantic Ocean.
I grew up in the winds of the plains. The movement of air up here reminds me of home. Looking out into the horizon, also reminds me of home. At ground level here, there are not too many horizons.
A bit of truth just flowed out of my finger tips with those last words…
At ground level here, there are not too many horizons.
I love the warmth and lush feel of this area. I loved living on the water here for 7 years or so.
Down at low levels lost in the lush, it is difficult to maintain perspective. Maybe it is easier for locals that are used to a short horizon. I grew up being able to see the horizon for a dozen or more miles in either direction. It gave me perspective. It helped me develop a forward and distant view. It helped me plan.
Living in the immediate now of a place that offers few horizons (not counting up on a mountain) away from congested interstates, It is not as easy for me to think forward, to think into the distance.
This has been a comforting push to keep me happily in the present for many years now.
Keeping ‘happy’ was not difficult for many reasons, primarily because I love myself and have for a long long time.
Content is another thing.
As I drifted off to sleep last night, I realized that I am happy but not content. There is a fine difference in these sentiments.
I have many more things to see and do. I am happy. I can be happy doing almost anything.
I retook a personality test the other day. It is one I have taken many times throughout my life.
For those familiar with this one, I came in as an ENFP. Over the decades I have either been an ENTP or an ENFP.
The two different modes allow me to work in very different capacities. I had not taken the test recently and mentally still felt like I was an ENTP. More accurately, I remembered I was an ENTP.
I have known for a couple years that I had shifted.
The ENFP is a much better fit and description for where I am emotionally these days.
It helps me to understand the discord I have felt doing work as a WordPress Web consultant via my company Softduit Media. Instead of doing hard and cold and logical and analytic web development, I have (in my head) provided counseling and guidance to clients guiding them through new evolutions with their websites and, web businesses, and work to attain their goals.
I have been functioning more as a a coach and counselor as opposed to paid labor to build stuff.
I feel the most discord with clients who simply want and need the paid labor to build stuff.
This specificity of words and perspective and reflection, is an important epiphany for me. It helps me better understand why my efforts are misfiring. It helps me to understand why I feel I am doing one thing and that context is lost with some clients expecting something very different.
With this in mind, I need to review and reset my own story and copy on my site. I have been looking for new work and clients and new ways to grow my business and evolve my skills.
I think it might help me tack into a better course.