Just above my screen I see the branch of a pine tree jutting out of the rock holding my desktop. My reflection is prominent in the screen I type on.
I am self reflecting.
Sting plays in my earbuds, Desert Rose is just starting.
I am emerging into something of an easier, time. I can feel it. I can witness it.
My recent past has included lots of challenges. Major challenges, not little ones, have popped up at each turn.
The turns are straightening out. I have been bushwacking a bit of a path through the woods of my life. I seem to have hiked out onto a distant path in the midst of nowhere. The path back became obstructed and my only option was to make a new path.
There were times when this was easy and there were times that I had to hack my way to earn every step.
Lately, it has been more difficult as I struggle with my business and career. Other things have settled a bit, or at least have found amazing new comforts and life in a relationship started last December. I fell in love then. I kept falling in love every month after that, more and more.
Falling in love is a terrific feeling, it is a terrific experience.
I wasn’t completely prepared for it, not personally nor was I even stable enough financially or anything.
Love has a weird and great way of grabbing you when you least expect it sometimes. I do not take it for granted.. I do not take the woman I love for granted.
I am healing. I am growing. Together even, we are healing individually and healing together. We are growing together as well.
I’ll be able to see this wonderful lady again in about 36 hours.
This is one of the powers of love. You count the minutes, you count the hours, you savor every minute. You live.
It is all too easy to ‘feel’ that the other person is giving you this feeling. Sometimes as we grow, the feeling recedes. We can move into a new stage of a relationship even. If we mistakenly felt the other person was ‘giving’ the feeling of love, and then we move into a different stage and do not feel it in the same way, we can mistakenly feel that the other person took the love away. We can feel that they love us less.
I do not feel this at all, right now. I have become aware of the stages of love and relationships through educating myself. (See some of the recommended books on this site, they were eye opening and very useful and practical. They should be required teaching for anyone that is married or getting married. They are as important as birthing classes for expecting parents.
I found my lesson late in life. I am living it now.
I know now that the feeling of love I have is a feeling I am giving myself. It is a feeling I am nurturing and growing. I am mindful of my love for Sharon. The love I have for her also reflects the love I have for myself.
It is very easy in this moment in time to know that I am ‘open’ to love in general and that the energy it gives me is without limit. I am literally basking in sunlight on a mountain top. In fact, I just took my shirt off and rolled up my shorts a bit. I’m taking a sun bath.
It is only about 50 degrees outside, but in the full morning rays of the sun, it feels like it is 80 degrees.
I feel like I am on a breezy Caribbean beach.
I do not take anything away from Sharon when I say I can love her because I love myself. She is amazing, beautiful and has an energy and a light shining from her that is as strong as the sun I bathe in now.
Together, we are growing something very special. It is perfect for what we need right now. I believe we will be able to grow that to be perfect for what we will need.
This is an amazing part of my work.
I get to stand on top of a mountain half naked in the sun and write about the woman I love on a Thursday morning.
Well, my work is evolving. I am writing more again. This will become a more and more important part of my future income.
I have a lot of skills and experience to draw from. As I work to heal and fix my career and business, one of my challenge is too many options.
One of my frustrations has been that in my past, when I was young. I could throw a dart and pick any option and use any skill and succeed.
Those skills have not decreased, but I am now in a different phase of life. I feel like the universe or maybe my inner consciousness or whatever … It is forcing me to be mindful and make a very specific choice. When I try ‘anything’ and choose from any of my skills, the results do not work nearly as well.
I am fighting my own destiny.
I am an optimist. I look down a hall and see and endless line of doors opening to options. Picture Neo in The Matrix, he can see through the code that makes the doors and the walls even. He has unlimited options. How does he choose?
He is past the binary choice of one pill or another. Now his choices are infinite.
This is me. I have infinite choices.
There is another difference.
The doors are locked. There are only a few that are open.
I could ‘force’ any of them. Forcing them wastes time and creates frustrations and I end up having to leave that room and move on down the hall, my path towards the right door.
I even know what door I need. I know what I am looking for.
I am not at that door yet.
I have to keep walking.
Plus, there is a toll to navigate this hall!
I have to keep feeding the hall coins or tokens, money. To earn that money, I have to force a few doors every now and then and make things happen that are not really a part of my destiny.
Some are better fits than others, but some of them do not even pan out!
I am so close and yet not there yet.
Sting is singing ‘Fill her up’ talking about traveling on the open road.”I need a full tank of gas where I am headed… Up in the front seat, a pretty red head. We’re going to Vegas and getting married.”
Sharon is a red head.
My iPad cursor is slow. It is far behind the words I have typed. I step away and stretch. I have already done yoga on this ledge.
I step forward and type these additional lines knowing that it will just increase the time it takes for my iPad to catch up with my writing.
That is ok. I can type well and sometimes in life we need the reminders to slow down and think more.
Time to head down this mountain. I have some amazing things to do for my clients today. Yesterday was a very good day and I have some amazing clients doing great work and things for many many people near and far.
I am helping to make them successful and helping by extension to help thousands and maybe millions of people from coast to coast and even around the world.
I hope wherever you are today, if you have read this, maybe I have helped you in some way and you will be able to pay that forward first by making a great day for yourself and second, maybe for those that you love.
If lucky, no if you are mindful and do what you can and explore your potential and demonstrate the power of your own mojo, you are going to make a difference to many people too.
I love you for trying and thank you for reading this!