Sometimes we run aground in life and today as I was walking across a bridge to a local park known as Goat Island, I could see a stick or log that had been there yesterday. The log that the stick was attached to had probably gotten stuck in the mud. The South Fork River flows very slowly here. It is man made mostly and doesn’t have a lot of natural flow and almost no current.
The stick had been there at least two days and without rain or some outside force could be there all summer.
Like the stick, I have been breaking free from the sediment of my old life that has held me in place. I can feel the mooring ropes slipping away left and right. I can feel the tug of the current of my life pulling me away. I have stayed true to my essence but flipped my perspective and personality. I have changed physically losing weight at first and then rebuilding my body through yoga and exercise and different foods. I have moved away from what I knew as my home. I’m creating new left and right.
I have found my writing and muse again after years of writer’s block. I am reawakening to my own career and business potential and looking to start new things there as well. (Back to that in a minute) I have found a new relationship and fallen in love with a wonderful woman who inspires me and motivates me to continue growing and healing and evolving. I have shed things from my life like diet soda and watching and reading too much news, a bad habit I picked up in the military and reinforced when I was in college. I watch less television in general, but still enjoy it in moderation. I try new things and explore new areas on a regular basis.
I am learning to let go of anxiety just as I learned to better manage light depression. My practice at not worrying about the future has prepared me well for this time in my life.
Things are turning around.
I’ve been working on rebuilding my business and improving it significantly the last few weeks. I have a long way to go, but I like the start and the opportunities I see. I am also looking for full or part time employment. I’m not picky and just looking for a bit of stability.
Over the last month, I’ve watched my bank account erode down to almost nothing.
Keeping it Real
My credit card is maxed or a $1 away.
My bank account hit $100 last night. (It’s bounced back up to about $300.)
That matters little.
I am a month behind on most of my small bills.
My rent is due in about 10 days.
Yesterday, I had to choose between paying my car payment, my student loan, my cell phone bill or my electric bill.
I chose my cell phone bill as that still is one source of business, especially when it comes to meetings and closing sales. The car payment is important but only a couple days delayed and there is a little relief in site for that to go next.
My health insurance has expired. I owe $160 on it, just to pay off a late payment. The policy is expired. I think my next stop is the VA or something if a job doesn’t solve this problem first.
It is summer time and in the 90’s every day. My air conditioner is bustimicated. I tried recharging it myself but that did not solve the problem. I think it is the clutch on the compressor and for my vehicle that probably means $800.
I am calm. I am steady. Its not easy, but anxiety is not eating me alive.
I haven’t felt this low on cash since I was a teenager and at 14 when out and collected $20 for the St Jude Telethon with a coffee can and used the money for groceries for my family. The difference is that I was only 13 then and didn’t have a big picture view of the additional things I would need to do.
I’m working through a number of great opportunities. This is the rub. The educated side of my brain tells me that for an addicted gambler a near miss is a win.
I’m not looking at lots of near misses as much as I’m looking at a roulette wheel that is moving in slow motion and won’t quite stop and has been coming to a stop on some number for weeks if not months.
I will be ok.
Things are turning around. I have had three good days in business. Today is looking positive as well. I took this quick break to walk to the park, to do some pullups, dips, and vertical crunches.
I don’t have health insurance. I need to keep up my health!
I did not order anything. No one shipped me anything that I know of. I’m hoping I’m not going to sign for something that is less than positive. 🙂
But I’m not running or shying away from my challenges either.
I’m sitting at a picnic table in the shade. A dry short log is floating down the same stream. In my mind, I can envision it drifting another 50 meters and striking the log that I first noticed, the one that was stuck. I can picture this new log breaking the old log loose. Maybe the old log will even hook out in a log kind of way and grab on and get moving again with the help of the floating, moving log.
That’s me. I’m working to get unstuck. I’m being mindful and aware of everything going on around me. I’m looking for the opportunity to break free and move on down stream.
One of the applications I submitted this week was viewed by three different people in the same company. That’s the most job activity I’ve had in a couple months. I had a mess of interviews last spring. Several went the distance with 3 and 4 interviews with different people in the company. None of those companies have yet to hire anyone!
They might circle around to me if a budget opens up with their third quarter or someone decides to make things happen.
That would be great, but I’m not looking to wait for a lottery moment, I’m not looking for the near miss and thinking of it as a win.
I’m making other things happen with my own business. Its odd. It has never earned me a great deal of money. It has always been reliable. Its been job security. It is a consulting type of thing and I have had feast and famine experiences in the past.
This is not the first time.
This go around though I’m making some fundamental changes to make my business more scalable and rely on myself as the sole driver of things in the business less.
I am doing what I have done in every regular job I have ever worked in… I am working to automate my job, my business in my job to free me up for more things.
Maybe more things will be even more business. Maybe more things will be a full time job or a part time job or 8 part time jobs.
I mentioned my new relationship earlier. I’m working with my girlfriend to design what might become an online school or a series of courses or books or all of the above. I am very excited about this for many reasons. It points to potential opportunities both with my relationship with her but also with both of our shifting careers and lives.
I’ve worked alone running my own business for 10 years now. I have had partners in many different ways off and on through that but they were all arms length.
I’m looking to work more closely and collaboratively with people during this new stint. It’s not a new experience for me, just a change and maybe one to help me get my momentum started up again!
Where ever you are, I hope you are doing good things for yourself, and finding a way to nurse and build your own momentum along and go out and do amazing things.
That’s what I am doing and I hope you will join me in making today a great day!
I stopped by the post office and picked up the package. It was a free razor. I have been shaving with the same blade the last two months as refills cost $25. I had other priorities and aconfortable shave was not one of them.
Still it will feel good to shave with something that doesn’t feel like sand paper. Things ARE turning around.